True Confessions: I Bounced A Check To God

  Any woman can tell you how hard it is to balance the family budget. 

Some of the silliest things just seem to keep cropping up and stealing away your hard earned dollars. Utility bills, gas for the car, and oh my goodness, didn't I just feed those kids yesterday???  It never ends....

Still, as you can see, I have a tender and loving heart. 

And so when it is Easter Sunday, and the music is playing and the kids are dressed up and the message is powerful, it only makes sense that I would feel compelled to give an offering.  And no, not just a weekly tithe.  The girls are wearing patent leather shoes and fancy hats, for goodness sake!  No, I mean, a true offering from my heart. 

As I sat there, in the pew, with my precious little family, I was just so thankful for all that my Lord had done, and was doing, and was going to do in our lives.  Times had been hard.  They still were. 

But in that moment, I could recount millions of examples where God had been right in the hard times with me.  I could tell you how he sent the perfect person at the perfect time to help with the kids.  I could share with you the day I had to make a payment, and found an old lost check for the exact amount we needed.  I could even recount the exact words of the stranger who stopped me in a parking lot to tell me that God had heard my prayers, and used the exact words I had spoken the night before on bended knee. 

Yes, God is good, all the time.  And all the time, God is good.

My heart swelled inside my chest as tears rolled down my cheeks.

It was Easter.  It was a time of celebration and rejoicing.  And it was time to rise up and walk in faith....   so I did.  I pulled out my checkbook, and I emptied our account.  It was a beautiful thing.  A complete submission to His will and to His ways. Take all that You have given me, Lord, and use it for your glory.

It bounced.

Did you hear me?  The check.  It bounced.  Didn't clear.  Returned.  Non-Sufficient Funds. 

I bounced a check to God.

Can you even imagine? 

I did it and I can't imagine it.  

I've never heard of such.  

Especially in the south...  we have traditions and bouncing checks to our Heavenly Father is NOT one of them, bless her heart.  It just can't be.  And yet, it was.  I bounced a check to God.

I don't know exactly what made me call the automated bank system, but I could hardly breathe as I sat and listened to the horrible news.  It wasn't there.  The money might have been there at some point, but rest assured, it was gone now.  I don't know. I guess I did pick up a few groceries and did I fill up the car?  What bills had I paid?  And slowly, but surely, the reality began to sink in.

I am going to assume here that you have not shared in this experience with me.  If you have, please write and let me know I am not alone!  

First, fully aware that my priorities may be a little off, I can't help but imagine the church staff as they deposit the Easter offering (Yea!) and then receive my check back (Boo!). I am mortified.  My face is red and hot and my stomach has somehow managed to move right up through my chest and into my throat.

But then the true horror begins to reveal itself in my heart. I had once again let my Savior down.  My sweet, sweet Jesus who has done so much for me, and I can do nothing for Him. I am not even a good enough steward of His blessings to give them back.  A thousand scenarios played in my mind.  The hungry people who would not be fed...  The cold children with no coats...  The missionary who receives nothing in lands far away... because I had bounced a check to God.

I couldn't escape it.  Even the words sounded earthly and pitiful and irresponsible.  But there it was.  The facts did not lie.  And so I cried and I prayed and I think I promised a whole, whole, whole lot of things about being responsible from that point on, no matter what.  

I crawled back to the cross, empty handed and overdrawn.

And then my Lord did something amazing.  

No, he didn't zap the money into my account or drop a huge inheritance in my box, although that would have been very cool.  Nope.  My Lord used my hand written, no good, not worth the paper it was written on check to bring grace into my life, and glory to Him.

Can you imagine?  

I was sick and shaking as I walked into that church office to explain just why they would not be able to use my offering and save the world.  But they giggled!  They understood.  They shared their own struggles along the way and were thrilled at the idea of a smaller offering and an offer to join in ministry.  Glory to God, I was no longer that quiet lady on the fifth row, that always came and went quickly with a polite smile.  I was Heather.  I was human.  I was flawed.  And I was forgiven.

Through that check, I learned that 

God needs nothing from me, but He desires all of me.  

And the exact same grateful heart that lead me to write that check, now leads me to offer myself, my life, and all of my perfect imperfections, for His purpose. I am yours.

My bank might tell you that I have non-sufficient funds.  But my Lord will tell you otherwise.

Blessings!

2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 

NIV  2011.